So this weekend was Brighton Pride. Its not something I take part in anymore, it seems too loud, too busy and too much like it’s a bigparty.

That’s the point I hear some of you say and to a degree you’re right. It is a party; it was always a party but it’s not the party it’s supposed to be. a time when concerts and festivals seem to be the must-do thing, Brighton Pride has, to my mind, become just one more festival.

It has lost its message, its identity, its reason for existing. Pride was always a big deal to the gay community, our predecessors fought for our rights, suffered persecution and arrest. Pride was a symbol of how far we had come and for me who has never seen being gay as a big thing, it was the one day of the year when I felt part of something special. 

Over the years our LGBT monic has expanded in a wonderful way to encompass so many more diverse aspects of human life, there are a myriad of coloured flags, and it is starting to feel that our society is moving forward in terms of acknowledging diversity and people are having more points of reference to help them identify who they really are.

After all we only have one life so we should be able to live it as we choose if we are not hurting others. I just don’t feel that message as profoundly as I once did. As I walk past the preparations for the festivities on the Pride Saturday morning, I no longer get the buzz of feeling part of something special that is happening to our city. 

If I’m honest the only thing that has made me feel proud to be gay in the last few years was the Taylor Swift video to ‘You Need to Calm Down’. In three and a half minutes she managed to resurrect those feelings of being proud of being part of something bright, diverse, innovative, and inclusive, I watch that video with pride.

But my grumblings about Pride were put very much in perspective by my friend. He goes to my Church on St James Street. We opened the church at 10 to allow anyone to come in and visit who may want a quiet moment of reflection, or just a cup of tea.

He told me about three email pen friends he has in Russia. These are young gay lads, they don’t know each other and come from all parts of the country. My friend told me they have one thing in common, their fear of being found out as gay men.

They live gay life through my friends emails, and he isn’t a party animal, the stories he imparts to them are of a day to day life, but one where being gay is just a part of everyday life, it is almost taken for granted because we have that freedom.

They were apparently in awe of the fact that the parade at Pride has the gay police at the front. Having a gay parade is unthinkable to them but that the police support it, join in with it and welcome LGBTQ+ candidates into their ranks is almost beyond their comprehension.

They live in fear.

Four simple words but they are terrifying, they live in fear of being found out as gay. They live a day to day existence that is not their own, they dare not even use my friend as a conduit to speak to each other. 

But it isn’t just Russia, there are many countries with similar restrictions based on stifling the basic freedom of allowing people to be themselves and to express that. Words such as acceptance and tolerance are not in their national vocabulary.

It was once like that here and as with many enlightened countries we are very fortunate, so ok, Pride has lost its personal message for me but I think, thanks in part to those three Russians who my heart goes out to, I realise it has a new message, it can happen, its welcomed and it’s a celebration, its not the same, nothing is after a while, but it happens and I may not choose to be an active part of it anymore but I should take a step back, look at it in all its multicolour sequined glory and just be grateful that it can happen at all.